Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm gonna 'Splode

What? Andrea Procrasinating again? Blasphemy!

Alas Ladies and gents, it is true. I have been sitting here for the last two hours doing absolutely nothing and at the same time, finding every asinine website that exists and browsing through it. Its like an addiction, and it sucks. I really need to learn to break the habit.
Once I finish this post.

So this weekend should be...interesting. I am going to this thespian conference thing. I have no desire to attend, but there I go. On friday I will be boarding a bus to go to good ole Connecticut and pretend I can act or something like that. Hopefully I will meet someone cool, make some friends, that type of Shiznat-but with my social skills, the prospect of that is well...slim.

At least I will have my blackberry, which is my second addiction in life. I mean, I can live without it-but having email at my fingertips is a blessing. Now, if only I can get better games :P

Now onto two sorta big topics of my life right now:
1) My birthday.

HOLY FUCK! Ima gonna be 18. Do you know how sick nasty that is? I mean, I can remember being 13 and sitting on my mom's bed and saying things like. OOOO in five years I will be 18. I'm going to be in college. Isn't it weird. And mom would be like : Don't rush your life away.

Its something I didn't understand there, and now I am looking for the brakes. God, I wonder how people thirty and older feel? I really don't want to think about it. But ya 12 years...I will have a job, and maybe a family....and oooooo

I don't even feel 18.
I mean, I feel mature and all that shiznat. I can hold my own with adults in conversation, and I like to think of myself as above the whole highschool thang (While also secretly recognizing my imersion in it. Mer). But I mean, my sister seemed so much...well..."Cooler" than I feel right now. Maybe because she was in college on her birthday? But still..
I think I look like I am 15, so this should be interesting. Is my life gonna change dramatically? Probs not. I hate when people put big expectations on things.

Oh, and speaking of 18 and college:


To Brandeis that is. I applied Early Decision, and I am super duper nervous. I will find out December 15th if:
I got in
I got deferred
Or my application is currently on a compost heap.

I am 90% sure I got in. I mean. My average is a 96.1, I am ranked 33 in the school, and I am taking 5 aps. I got a 1390 on the old SATs, and I think I rocked the Interview. My teachers say both my essay and Personal Statement were good, and I have a lot of extra activities.
But you never know. I don't know who I am in the pool, or if the person on admissions was having a particularly bad day or something.

At this point I just wanna know. Well, this is a total lie. I'm trying to play it off like I don't care either way-but in reality I think I will be devastated if I don't get in. I mean, I'm not used to failure and I fell in love with the school. But it doesn't matter how much I want it, but rather if they want me.

Another worry I have is other schools if I don't get in. I have been sitting on my other applications, waiting on Brandeis's answer. I mean I don't wanna waste money on application fees if I don't have too.

I am full of this nervous energy. It randomly bursts out, like I will run upstairs or just dance around for a moment. Its like this tight knot in my chest and I just wanna break it. I think the worst thing to happen is if I got waitlisted-cause that means waiting even longer, and I think I will go insane.

Or well-more so than I already am. I feel like a ticking boom, and I just wanna scream. It is totally suck, and at the same time totally rocking. I can't concentrate. (Which makes the whole procrastination thing worse.) Another bad thing:
Writing hasn't releaved the pain, which is a new thing. Writing always makes things better-and yet, I had to force myself to RP today. I NEVER have to do that. Its scary. I think I need to...I dunno. Any suggestions? That would be lovely. From anyone who is reading (If they have even reached this point without sobbing) Please do drop me a hint or something before I see how nice a padded room would be.

I am going to go hit my head against a wall or something. Or maybe my keyboard.
bn bn bn nb nb nb nb nb mn nb b bv vb/

Ow. Also harder than it seemed because my chair is higher than my desk.
It makes me feel tall, okay?


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