OKAY. Maybe Three months from now....

HELLO AGAIN

this is like walking in late for a party that is being thrown for you WHOOPS
I mean, if anyone actually read this thing I would feel bad-but no one is-right?

I MEAN IF THEY ARE THEY SHOULD TOTALLY SAY SOMETHING NOW

-cricket--cricket-
exactly.

At least I haven't abandoned this thing, I am going to try and get better at it especially because I have the whole summer ahead of me and not a lot to do. Rawr rawr rawr.

But for now:
I really have nothing to say except my stomach hurts and I have seen two movies twice in theatres, which I never do. Up made me cry both times (it reminds me of my pop pop) and Night at the mUseum...well...it was good the first time.

I love Moxy Fruvous. You should listen to them. seriously.

Aight. I'm out peps, erm-me. I WILL COME BACK SOON...maybe.

Questions anyone?

-Cheers

Haha, Why yes. I do exist!

I don't know what to write.
Hello again! How ya! Long time no talk...been..golly. Two months, eh?
Three. Okay..well
better late than never I suppose.

I kept doing things and saying "hmmm...I should blog about this. I haven't written forever-than poof! I just didn't write about it. Don't ask me why I didn't, I just don't know. I want to get back on the ball again, get some focus back in my life and yeah. I just don't know quite where to begin right now. OH I KNOW

I am going to write about the amazing weekend I had last month with an old friend of mine to be known as Sunshine.

She and I go wayyyy back. We became friends in the summer of 2001, in Bonim bunk 13 (what what Eisner Camp). We were pretty close, I considered her one of my best friends, and our relationship was a bit on and off (as we had different groups of core friends). We had some pretty sick philosophical conversations though, and knowing her changed my life.

After the summer of 2006 though, we hardly spoke. We chatted occasionally through facebook, and I always told her I planned on kidnapping her one day...well two years later it kinda sorta happened.

She called me, and I took a train to new jersey to spend the weekend with her. It was amazing. We just talked about life, and walked around, and found sunshine and brown rice. We played apples to apples, did spinart, went to a coffee shop, made banana bread and well...it was awesome.

It is always nice finding a new friend with an old friend.

Next time (Hopefully not three monthes from now) I will write about my weekend to Brandeis :)

I am now going to try and thrwart my bagel craving with Matzah. Yum.

Questions?
-Cheers

Mexico

I want to get this down before I forget.

Mexico was AWESOME

We went to Mazatlan for One week-and while it was a fucking hassle to get to. It was sooooo worth it.

Here was our agenda. Is it sad I remember the days by what meals we ate?

Sunday:
Left Kennedy for Houston. Turbulenceeeeee. Arrived after four hours, and got escorted around the city by my father's police friend Lyn. It...was well....Houston isn't much of a tourist place. It has the space center, and that's it. (We didn't even get to go). We had "Texas Bar-B-Que" and the BEST PECAN PIE EVER. We stayed at the Hampton Inn, and I got to listen to my sister gush on the phone to Joe for a bit. We acted like little kids (ice fights-hmm?) and got some sleep.

Monday:
Left Houston. Two Hours on a smalll plane. Landed in Mexico. Got picked up by one of my parent's friend and got dropped off at Pueblo Bonito Emerald Bay. The Hotel was GORGEOUS. It was a bit rainy outside, and somewhat cool (Though nothing compared to New York. I would take "cold" Mexican Weather (68 degrees) ANY day of the year). Got a tour and went to our room. Same and I shared the couch bed-but for now I took a nap on the Veranda. Ate on Premises for Dinner. Surf and Turf and a really fun Appitizer boufet, and dessert boufet. ALso-discovered that I liked the 18 year old drinking age of mexico 8).

Tuesday:
Still a bit rainy. Hung by the pool, went swimming, painted some cermaics and went to the Gym with my sister to work with a personel trainer. Napped and than went to the City for Dinner at a Resturaunt called Angelo's (Yes. Italian food in Mexico. Go Figure). BEST MUSHROOM SOUP EVER. They served in a bread bowl and everything. Also got to try spanish coffee, which is brandy(with most of the alcohol burned off), coffee, and vanilla ice cream. I liked it a lot-and we got some fun "mustache" pictures.

Wednesday:
Sunny! What did we do? Zip-lining through the Jungle yo! IT was at place called Huana Coa, and it was super fun-even if I did get stuck a couple times before they put "training wheels" on me. I still want to do it again though, cause it was awesommmeeee. I wasn't even afraid of the heights :) After playing Tarzan, we went to a Tequilla Factory and saw how it was made. I had my first shot ever (Lick, sip, suck) and than we went back to the hotel. We ate dinner at El Capitanos, and we saw my father on TV because he donated Vests for the Police there. It was super fun.

Thursday:
We went on a city tour today. We saw the cliff divers, the Cathedrial (Super pretty), and we went shopping at the market. We had lunch, saw the opera house, and so much more. I got to test out my bargaining skills (Super awesome), and we were introduced to Olas Atlas.

OH MY GOD

Not only was the food amazing, but the family who runs it was super, super nice. We ended up meeting them three more times-and I swear it feels like I have known them my whole entire life. Kenn is an AMAZING chef, and I can't wait for them to come up to New York.
They even showed us this AMAZING massage place, which gave me the best massage I have ever had-for twenty dollars an Hour. Sick right? So much fun.

Friday:
Breakfast at Olas Atlas<3 with the Police Secratery (Dad again :P) where my sister got one of the waiters to escort us to clubs later that night xD. My parents and sister went horseback riding and I went to the gym again (oh boy). Later that Night we went to Senor Peppers (eh) and than Sam, Marco, and I went to Joe's Oyster club and Bora Bora. We saw a fire spitter, drank, and had a whollllle lot of fun :). Came back at 2 am. Haha. whooopsss

Saturday:
Another Lounge day. Sam Got her tan, I got a burn, and my Dad decided to disguise himself as a lobster. We got another massage, hung out at Olas Atlas again and had a fun relaxing day. I realized I had to go back to school soon and was very sad.

Sunday:
Flew from Mazatlan to Houston. HOLY HELL. We had a police officer escort us from plane to gate( My darling Father yet again) and got through security and customs in THIRTY MINUTES. Plus we got a cart ride :P. It was pretty sweet. Next came the flight back to New York, trudging through snow, and than back to Home-and Bed. School the next day-where Mexico was but a dream.

I can't wait to go back.

-Cheers

Shock

Something happened yesterday that shook me to the core. I need to talk about it, do something about it, scream about it, I don't know. Don't know how I should act or feel. I've gone numb, I've gone Cliche. I don't know. I just don't fucking know.

A girl from my school killed herself yesterday. She was Junior, 16 years old. Was bright, sweet, a great writer and had such a future laid out for her. Sure she had her faults, we all do, but it is hard to remember them now. Hard to think she threw herself in front of a train to escape...something.

I have never known anyone my age who died. Either by accident or on purpose. It is a blow, right to the gut. Its kinda horrible, because I wish it was just someone who "I went to school with" maybe saw in the halls every once in a while. So the shock could pass and I could just let it go. Someone my age killed themselves. Shit, ain't that sad. I hope her friends are alright, I guess I should offer condolences and such. It is horrible to wish that, I know. But I do. I do.

I knew her though. We had gotten close her first year in school. I showed her some of my writing, and she showed me some of hers. I met her dog, her mom drove me home from drama, we laughed and she lent me a favorite book of hers. I gave her one of mine. She lost it. I was supposed to give her a mix CD. I don't know if I remembered to or not. I think I did-but I don't know. I don't know. Stupid memories keep popping up. Two years ago. She reviewed two of my stories, said they were good. She wrote a one act about a boy who died and a drug addiction. It was amazing. I was jealous of it, but I gave her tips. I wonder where it is now. I wonder why the only times I had spoken to her was to say hi, or to ask about the seventeen dollars she owed me. I wonder if she realized I was joking. Or half joking.

I'm mad.
At people for talking shit about her, for blowing things out of proportion and for making me think twice about being friends with her.
I am mad at myself for letting myself be swayed, that I didn't try to be friends with her again, that I didn't care enough. I'm mad at hindsight.
I am also mad at her. Shes such a fucking idiot. Didn't she realize how many people loved her? The talent she had? The potential? The light? God damn it. Didn't she realize it was final? Yes her parents were fucking crazy, but she only had two more years in college and friend's houses to escape too. She is such an idiot. Such a fucking idiot. God damn it! I don't know. I still haven't gotten my head around the whole "gone" concept. No more coming back. She didn't just leave for another school again. She is gone.

I don't deal well with emotion. I never have. I don't cry in public, and I often feeel detached an awkward. But hell? who doesn't. I also keep what ifing myself to death. I know it is no use, and I am trying to stop. But there it is:
What if
What if
What if

And I don't know. Don't know.
Life was so much nicer two days ago. Hopefully it will get better again. it always does. This too Shall pass. It is a pity she didn't see it.

R.I.P LS. You will be sorely missed, by more people than you know. I'm getting "The Perks of being a Wall Flower." and I am sending it around in your memory. So people can love it as you did.

Next post will be about happier times I hope. I was in mexico last week, I'll write about it when I feel better.
So yeah.
Fuckshitdamn
GAH
-Cheers

And the verdict is in....

Ladies and gents. I got the letter two days ago, and I am proud to say that I am a member of Brandeis' class of 2013 :D.

It really is very, very awesome and I am just so darn happy and relieved. its like, there goes a huge weight right off my shoulders. I can finally fucking relax!
Except for the two outlines I have due friday
The three tests I have that day-and oh yeah, the rest of the school year.
whoops.

You know, I am supposed to have Senioritis now. I am supposed to kick back, relax, and flip the bird to anyone who tells me to do work. I just can't see myself doing that though, as much as I would love to-I still care about grades too much. Ah well, it was a nice thought while it lasted-eh?

God. Its just so wierd still.
I'm in college
I am going to 18 in two days
Its like okay: time to grow up now! But I just want to hang on tight, and not look forward
I'm not quite ready for the real world yet, and despite my "plans" and my "dreams" I have no clue where I am going to end up 20 years from now.
Will I be dead in an alley somewhere?
Will I have sold my soul and become a lawyer?
Will I be a not quite so content teacher?
A best selling author? on my way to being president? in jail? part of a cult? What. What. What!!!

I know what my ideals are, and I know I am too much of a realist to see them through
I know what I want, but I don't know if the world wants me where I want. I mean, I would love to be a famous author-but will they actually like what I write? I can hope, but that means nothing in the long run.

I don't know if I will laugh or cry over this post in ten years time, or if I will even be around to see it.
I hate speculation. It sucks, yet it would suck even more if I knew all the answers.

I guess I will have to be content with the news of my admission (Which is freakin awesome by the way, I am so walking on air right now) and hope Brandeis trully and really is the college of my dreams.

Also. I hope that if I ever do become President, I have awesome Dodgeball skills like Dubya. I may dislike the man, but you have to admit that he had some matrix like action going on...

Actually thinking about the Bush and the Matrix together kinda freaks me out
Agent Smith anyone?
-Cheers

I'm gonna 'Splode

What? Andrea Procrasinating again? Blasphemy!

Alas Ladies and gents, it is true. I have been sitting here for the last two hours doing absolutely nothing and at the same time, finding every asinine website that exists and browsing through it. Its like an addiction, and it sucks. I really need to learn to break the habit.
Once I finish this post.

So this weekend should be...interesting. I am going to this thespian conference thing. I have no desire to attend, but there I go. On friday I will be boarding a bus to go to good ole Connecticut and pretend I can act or something like that. Hopefully I will meet someone cool, make some friends, that type of Shiznat-but with my social skills, the prospect of that is well...slim.

At least I will have my blackberry, which is my second addiction in life. I mean, I can live without it-but having email at my fingertips is a blessing. Now, if only I can get better games :P

Now onto two sorta big topics of my life right now:
1) My birthday.

HOLY FUCK! Ima gonna be 18. Do you know how sick nasty that is? I mean, I can remember being 13 and sitting on my mom's bed and saying things like. OOOO in five years I will be 18. I'm going to be in college. Isn't it weird. And mom would be like : Don't rush your life away.

Its something I didn't understand there, and now I am looking for the brakes. God, I wonder how people thirty and older feel? I really don't want to think about it. But ya know...in 12 years...I will have a job, and maybe a family....and oooooo

I don't even feel 18.
I mean, I feel mature and all that shiznat. I can hold my own with adults in conversation, and I like to think of myself as above the whole highschool thang (While also secretly recognizing my imersion in it. Mer). But I mean, my sister seemed so much...well..."Cooler" than I feel right now. Maybe because she was in college on her birthday? But still..
I think I look like I am 15, so this should be interesting. Is my life gonna change dramatically? Probs not. I hate when people put big expectations on things.

Oh, and speaking of 18 and college:

HOLYHELLINHEAVENIWANNAKNOWIFIGETIN!!!!

To Brandeis that is. I applied Early Decision, and I am super duper nervous. I will find out December 15th if:
I got in
I got deferred
Or my application is currently on a compost heap.

I am 90% sure I got in. I mean. My average is a 96.1, I am ranked 33 in the school, and I am taking 5 aps. I got a 1390 on the old SATs, and I think I rocked the Interview. My teachers say both my essay and Personal Statement were good, and I have a lot of extra activities.
But you never know. I don't know who I am in the pool, or if the person on admissions was having a particularly bad day or something.

At this point I just wanna know. Well, this is a total lie. I'm trying to play it off like I don't care either way-but in reality I think I will be devastated if I don't get in. I mean, I'm not used to failure and I fell in love with the school. But it doesn't matter how much I want it, but rather if they want me.

Another worry I have is other schools if I don't get in. I have been sitting on my other applications, waiting on Brandeis's answer. I mean I don't wanna waste money on application fees if I don't have too.

I am full of this nervous energy. It randomly bursts out, like I will run upstairs or just dance around for a moment. Its like this tight knot in my chest and I just wanna break it. I think the worst thing to happen is if I got waitlisted-cause that means waiting even longer, and I think I will go insane.

Or well-more so than I already am. I feel like a ticking boom, and I just wanna scream. It is totally suck, and at the same time totally rocking. I can't concentrate. (Which makes the whole procrastination thing worse.) Another bad thing:
Writing hasn't releaved the pain, which is a new thing. Writing always makes things better-and yet, I had to force myself to RP today. I NEVER have to do that. Its scary. I think I need to...I dunno. Any suggestions? That would be lovely. From anyone who is reading (If they have even reached this point without sobbing) Please do drop me a hint or something before I see how nice a padded room would be.

I am going to go hit my head against a wall or something. Or maybe my keyboard.
bn bn bn nb nb nb nb nb mn nb b bv vb/

Ow. Also harder than it seemed because my chair is higher than my desk.
It makes me feel tall, okay?

-Cheers

150?

I just saw the number on my counter, and I know only like thirty of those are me-which means over one hundred people (Unless one person actually came to read this thing more than once. ha) have looked at this blog.

My only comment is condolence, and I promise to pay your medical bill if my words made your eyes implode.

So.

I hate Turkey. I mean, cold cut turkey is delcious but the thanksgiving version? No thank you. But that is what I have been eating for the last four days and it makes me want to cry. I didn't even get to break one wishbone, which is so uncool.

My wish:
Make turkeys 100 % dark meat.
That would be friggin sweet

Oh dear! That is the bell. I should really leave myself more than five minutes to write these things. Will write more.
Again, I am so sorry! I know I said I wouldn't apolidgize anymore, but I think it is quite neccersary at this point.

-Cheers